Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
