I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
