One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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