sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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