She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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