Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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