Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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