My sheets look like a crime scene.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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