Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
