I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do vagina's smell?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
