forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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