People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
