I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
