He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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