woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
