i barfeds in our rink
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
even my farts smell like vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
