So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
