I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
