Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
