that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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