I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
