Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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