Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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