i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well you can't waste a boner
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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