I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
