Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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