I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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