is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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