the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
