i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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