And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
