Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
