The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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