im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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