You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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