Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize