so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
