you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
