I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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