He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
