you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
