Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
