Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
