If i come over, it means nothing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
