im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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