Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
