i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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