someone owes me an orgasm
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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