he wants to bone in the snuggie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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