just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
