Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night

Fav 6 1562 3798
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(925): View more from California

If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

Fav 22 3286 1054
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(949): View more from California

they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store

(949): View more from California

I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.

Fav 33 1498 4191
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(303): View more from Colorado

I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

Fav 14 1115 3986
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(561): View more from Florida

Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

Fav 29 1432 6149
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(707): View more from California

someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.

Fav 26 2529 1703
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(408): View more from California

I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.

Fav 0 1040 712
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(613): View more from Ontario

I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name

Fav 0 94 171
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.

Fav 0 19 29
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