got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
