my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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