i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize