My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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