She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
