dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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