come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just found puke in my bra..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My legs feel like baby dolphins
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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