of course. lets lasso hookers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
