can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
