it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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