She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
