I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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