So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
