This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
