Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
