so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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