"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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