Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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