Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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